Religion – The belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God or gods.
Christian – a person who has received Christian baptism or is a believer in Jesus Christ and his teachings.
Church – a building used for public Christian worship
Fellowship – a group of people meeting to pursue a shared interest or aim.
What is religion to you? I spent my youth being part of a community at an Anglican Church. I considered myself a Christian. One that did not get baptized due to circumstances beyond my control at the time. I spent my 20’s rebelling against being a Christian. Openly and honestly fearing ridicule from my social circles. It was populated with Atheists and Agnostics who made fun of Christians and their “delusions”. Back then I didn’t have the courage to let myself believe? To stand up to the people who made me feel like the oddball because I believed in a higher power that just happened to be Jesus!
Now that I’m older and really not living my life for anyone but me and my husband, I’ve gone on a bit of a spiritual journey.
If I were to pinpoint the moment that I really could feel God’s warmth prying it’s way into my heart and mind, I would have to say it started about three years ago, and it’s been a slow melt of my icy heart and mind, but I’m writing this blog post, so that’s progress.
My husband and I have had many conversations about his Christianity, and his now changed opinions about organized religion. While he is Christian, he does not believe he has to be in a special building, with a special message every Sunday. I understand his thoughts and feelings on that, however I am a social creature. In these years since that early discussion started, I’m feeling the call to fellowship. It fills my chest with flutters typing that. I can’t even express why or how, but it does. But I digress, what really has driven both of us to really think about our relationship with God has been both the illness and death of my Nan and our friend’s journey through grief and their marriage. These key things are what have opened both of our hearts and minds.
I spoke with my husband last night about how I was going to write this blog post. I felt ready. I told him that I felt that certain people came into our lives to pave the path back to God. We 100% believe it. When I said it out loud to him I cried. I apologized because I didn’t understand why it was so emotional to talk about, but he too understood it and said he agreed, it filled him with emotion too.
I don’t know if and when we will start going to church on Sunday. I don’t know where our journey will lead either of us next, but I know that our hearts are open, and I’ll try to be open as I explore this further. While this Carl Sagan quote is about the universe, I think it applies to even this,
“The universe is a pretty big place. If it’s just us, seems like an awful waste of space.”
I think that echoes for our time here, and if it’s just this, well then it’s an awful waste isn’t it? There is absolutely more.
As I sit here with Paul Simon playing in my headphones, there are a few things I’m sure of today. I’m a better person because of the people in my life, and their fellowship helps me strive to be a better person everyday.
I haven’t yet sorted out what the calling is, or maybe I’m living it? Writing this blog, talking about our spirituality with our friends? All in good time. For now I feel blessed to have the open minded friends that surround me and encourage this new Unexpected Journey.